I haven't written in a while. Probably for a few reasons. I've been pretty busy, from that, I'm pretty exhausted and I guess I figure if I don't talk about it, it doesn't exist. If I don't share with you that my foot still feels frozen ... then maybe it doesn't. If I don't blog about how I am feeling a smidge hopeless lately ... then I might just be full of hope. And if I don't say out loud how much it sucks to have to try so hard to walk properly ... then I'd be really walking tall. If I don't validate these feelings then maybe I can keep myself from falling to pieces thinking about it.
Well, first for the positives... I've graduated from one week of half-days back at work to my first week of full days ... with the exception of leaving early for Physical Therapy 3 days this week. It has taken some getting used to but I did miss being in a normal work and kids at school routine. So it's nice to get back into the swing of things.
I have to say, getting behind the wheel again, taking my independence back has been pretty great. I've blasted the radio and sang as loud as possible ... just to remind me that I'm on my own. Don't get me wrong, I loved having the mom rotation here helping me but I needed to start doing for myself.
With the help of therapy I continue to get stronger, I've built up to 9 minutes on the elliptical ... which is huge, trust me... and about 20 minutes on the treadmill, that's 5-7 minutes backward, 4-5 minutes on each side and about 10 minutes forward. Then, leg presses- both legs, one leg and then ... just part of my foot ... yowza! I cannot tell you how much stronger I've gotten. And there are many more strengthening exercises. It feels awesome for a while and then I run into something that still remains impossible and I feel the frustration start to set in. That's when I have to remind myself, as my friend Stef does for me, how far I've come!!!
OK... so I've had a few little meltdowns ... one that only my friend Stefani had to see and the others stay inside my head for the most part. These meltdowns usually spring from something mundane ... like flip-flops. Thanks to Joel's Texas family, I have 3 new beautiful pair of Yellow Box flip-flops ... mind you, I've never been one to seek out cute summer shoes like this, they were a gift and screamed of summer ... and I adore them!!! But Capt. Jack does not work well in these structure free shoes. One look at my friends cute tootsies in her flip-flops brought me to tears ... Am I ever going to walk without a monster limp? Am I going to wear my summer sandals, peep-toe pumps and blingy flippies??
I know ... I've got to give it time. Six weeks ago, my surgeon couldn't guarantee that I would regain ANY feeling. The nerve is still healing. I'm just feeling a bit more anxious I think because I'm realizing it's tricky to keep up with my students and the boys. I also had to knock my anti-inflammatory back to half the dose to keep from damaging my liver ... so the pain has increased a bit ... a lot bit. So pain I guess will make ya cranky?
Anywhoozies ... I'm about done with this pity party and I thank you for listening... er ... reading. :-)
