Frozen Foot, Sleep Talk & Yummy Incentives

Imagine if you will ... it's winter. My Midwest friends have this one covered. It's a really cold Wisconsin/Nebraska winter. Lots of snow. Below zero temps, you know the kind of cold that freezes your saliva while you talk? Okay, now imagine standing out in the snow ... but you forgot to double sock and boot up just on one foot. Your toes freeze and they never really seem to thaw out. That's what this freaky foot feels like. Cold, all the time ... but I can't really feel the heat when I try to warm it up! Uber wierd! Silly appendage.

I woke up this morning certain I'd wiggle my toes and walk without a limp or a cane ... nope ... not yet. But this dreamy milestone is obviously written all over my conscious and subconscious since I had a sleepy conversation with Joel about how I couldn't "open up my passages" apparently the passage from my nerve to my foot wouldn't open up. Silly passages.

After briefly discussing the closed passages, we had a visit from the other pirates in the house. They joined us as we watched Unique Food on the new Cooking channel ... which I love ... and we all drooled in unison as we were presented with a meatopia in NYC, an unbelievably fantastical churrascaria simply dripping in the finest of meats and juices of meat. I then came to the conclusion that we must dine on the meat!

We will treat ourselves to Texas De Brazil ...
This will happen when the passages reopen ... when to toes remember how to wiggle ... when it no longer feels as if I've been standing barefoot in the snow ... for at least a day ... and when these mushy muscles regain strength ... when I can kick the cane and walk without a limp.
See, when I was in middle and high school and I did not rock the report cards, my mom used awesome dinners as an incentive for better grades. We lived in Houston and had fantastic restaurants at our disposal so for me, this was the perfect motivation. And that is what we shall do, when I regain strength and feeling, which will happen ... Texas De Brazil, here we come! The boys cannot wait.

Okay, on the topic of incentives... about a year ago is when I first vowed to get fit and healthy I set another incentive for myself. I decided that if I got myself to the gym or at least working out 3 times a week for a month, I'd reward myself with a pedicure.






Ah yes ... that looks nice ... but it has yet to happen. So, the deal is back on. I have exercises that must be done twice a day. AND I HAVE TO DO THEM!!! One month .. twice a day, PT 3 times per week ... then, it's pretty foot time. The other one needs a little attention too ya know ;-)

Let's just hope they don't end up looking like this...

Meet Capt. Jack

You know the old saying, "If I don't laugh, I'll cry?" well, I think it's an old saying... anywhozees... to help keep my sense of humor about this whole ordeal, I've named my bad foot, Capt. Jack. As in Captain Jack Sparrow that nutty pirate. I've come to this name because, like Capt. Jack, my naughty nub is lazy, crazy and drunk. See the similarities?

And to help keep his sense of humor about this nonsense, Joel decorated Jack. Good, huh?

Capt. Jack and I went to physical therapy today and while I was working hard, he was still unwilling to move. But I'm gonna show him who's boss. And I'm working at eating right, while I normally would fall into a snack myself into oblivion sort of routine, I have eaten smaller meals and have been eating smarter snacks. Well on the road to a better body. Stay tuned!

First Steps and A New Name

My first Physical Therapy trip taught me that this is not going to be an easy road. But I am confident that I can regain my strength. I could not believe how weak my muscles became after only 3 days of that nerve being pinched. I realized the extent of the injury when I laid on my tummy and truly could NOT lift m right leg. If felt as if a giant brick had been strapped to my leg and mocked me endlessly with each attempt at lifting.

So to help motivate this dead droopy foot, I've named it. My limp foot shall heretofore be known as Capt. Jack. Yes, the name is the same as that of the spirited pirate in Pirates of the Caribbean. I came to this conclusion after realizing the similarities, lazy, a bit crazy, pretty much drunk ... the description totally fits! Maybe soon, we can change his name to something more fit and strong.

And here begins the quest. I say this before God and friends so that I can be held accountable for my actions by someone other than myself. I am on a quest to get fit, I'm attempting to eat better and do my therapy as directed.

See you back here soon...

The long and winding road...

Helllo!
Here I am starting a new blog. I have another one but I have not been keeping up with it at all. Anywho... you may or may not know what this blog is all about so here goes...

Ever since my diagnosis of degenerative disc disease when I was 19 or 20, and the subsequent pinched nerves, torn and herniated discs, steroid injections and pain pills ... I've had a nightmare that one day, a new nerve would be pinched and I'd wake up unable to feel my legs. My nightmare came true. Only it happened in the blink of an eye. One minute I'm getting out of the car, feeling more back pain than normal and the next I'm standing in the kitchen telling myself it's not true, my leg isn't going numb. I just need a good stretch, I think. In a matter of moments, I feel like I've been sitting on my leg for an hour and it's fallen asleep. Soon, the pain is unbearable and the numbness disturbing. I know in my mind what this is. It's a bad one. And though I try to talk myself out of it, I know that without aid, I'd be facing a future of permanent nerve damage. Fast forward a few hours, a good friend's husband (thanks Steve and Heather) takes me to the ER while Joel sits at home freaking out, wondering what might happen. Inside, I know that this has always been his fear, too. We've talked about it so many times, fearful of immobility, a need for a wheelchair or walker. We sit for HOURS waiting to see a Dr. in the ER. Finally, the diagnosis, sciatica. I'm given a prescription for a steroid dose pack and a steroid shot in the butt along with a suggestion that I might need to see my neurosurgeon and get a new MRI if this doesn't clear up. Ya Think???? Mind you, I didn't really think this was right, my gut knew this was more than sciatica. The next day, when there's no relief, I truly cannot make my foot do anything and I cannot take the pain anymore, I keep calling doctors, pushing for a sooner MRI. I get one, thanks to my next chariot driver, Stefani :-) but must wait 3+ hours to squeeze into that tube. And then wait some more for my doctor to see it, diagnose a severely ruptured disc and completely pinched nerve and recommend I head straight to the ER to avoid permanent nerve damage. 3 hours later, we discover I'm in the wrong hospital, "We don't do neurosurgery here!" say's the evil ER doctor. As if I just walked in off the street and said "hey, I thought I'd stop by, get a little surgery..." Anywho, we get it all figured out, take a ride in an ambulance and meet with the first half of the neurosurgery team who after looking at my dead foot and having me do strength tests says they may do surgery that day or the next. Shortly thereafter, he comes back after conferring with the surgeon and says, "...we need to get in there right away to avoid more damage to the nerve. It's possible that the damage is already too far gone. We are prepping the OR." That's when the nightmare really sets in. That's when I see my kids running around and me sitting on the sidelines watching. That's when I fall to pieces thinking of how much damage was done in just a few days.
Throughout this entire ordeal, I kick myself for not doing what I'd vowed to do after my last MRI that showed bulging discs and pinching of nerves. I vowed to get in shape, to build up my core muscles to help better support my spine. I started... I even got a gym membership ... but I never used it. I may not have been able to avoid this but I may have been able to if I had only taken better care of my body, better care of my spine.
Now, as I sit in this hospital bed waiting to go home, swearing at my still numb foot, wanting to cry every time I stand for more than a moment as the pain rips at my leg, frustrated at the thought that it may be a month before I am back to work full time, I VOW to do better this time. I WILL regain the feeling in this foot. I WILL lose weight and I WILL build this muscle.

I know this could be so much worse. So I will not have a little pity party for myself. I am so very fortunate to have all that I have and the amazing support system that is my foundation. I know that my will would be far weaker if I didn't have all of this positive reinforcement building me up.

Thanks for listening ... had to get it all out.