Helllo!
Here I am starting a new blog. I have another one but I have not been keeping up with it at all. Anywho... you may or may not know what this blog is all about so here goes...
Ever since my diagnosis of degenerative disc disease when I was 19 or 20, and the subsequent pinched nerves, torn and herniated discs, steroid injections and pain pills ... I've had a nightmare that one day, a new nerve would be pinched and I'd wake up unable to feel my legs. My nightmare came true. Only it happened in the blink of an eye. One minute I'm getting out of the car, feeling more back pain than normal and the next I'm standing in the kitchen telling myself it's not true, my leg isn't going numb. I just need a good stretch, I think. In a matter of moments, I feel like I've been sitting on my leg for an hour and it's fallen asleep. Soon, the pain is unbearable and the numbness disturbing. I know in my mind what this is. It's a bad one. And though I try to talk myself out of it, I know that without aid, I'd be facing a future of permanent nerve damage. Fast forward a few hours, a good friend's husband (thanks Steve and Heather) takes me to the ER while Joel sits at home freaking out, wondering what might happen. Inside, I know that this has always been his fear, too. We've talked about it so many times, fearful of immobility, a need for a wheelchair or walker. We sit for HOURS waiting to see a Dr. in the ER. Finally, the diagnosis, sciatica. I'm given a prescription for a steroid dose pack and a steroid shot in the butt along with a suggestion that I might need to see my neurosurgeon and get a new MRI if this doesn't clear up. Ya Think???? Mind you, I didn't really think this was right, my gut knew this was more than sciatica. The next day, when there's no relief, I truly cannot make my foot do anything and I cannot take the pain anymore, I keep calling doctors, pushing for a sooner MRI. I get one, thanks to my next chariot driver, Stefani :-) but must wait 3+ hours to squeeze into that tube. And then wait some more for my doctor to see it, diagnose a severely ruptured disc and completely pinched nerve and recommend I head straight to the ER to avoid permanent nerve damage. 3 hours later, we discover I'm in the wrong hospital, "We don't do neurosurgery here!" say's the evil ER doctor. As if I just walked in off the street and said "hey, I thought I'd stop by, get a little surgery..." Anywho, we get it all figured out, take a ride in an ambulance and meet with the first half of the neurosurgery team who after looking at my dead foot and having me do strength tests says they may do surgery that day or the next. Shortly thereafter, he comes back after conferring with the surgeon and says, "...we need to get in there right away to avoid more damage to the nerve. It's possible that the damage is already too far gone. We are prepping the OR." That's when the nightmare really sets in. That's when I see my kids running around and me sitting on the sidelines watching. That's when I fall to pieces thinking of how much damage was done in just a few days.
Throughout this entire ordeal, I kick myself for not doing what I'd vowed to do after my last MRI that showed bulging discs and pinching of nerves. I vowed to get in shape, to build up my core muscles to help better support my spine. I started... I even got a gym membership ... but I never used it. I may not have been able to avoid this but I may have been able to if I had only taken better care of my body, better care of my spine.
Now, as I sit in this hospital bed waiting to go home, swearing at my still numb foot, wanting to cry every time I stand for more than a moment as the pain rips at my leg, frustrated at the thought that it may be a month before I am back to work full time, I VOW to do better this time. I WILL regain the feeling in this foot. I WILL lose weight and I WILL build this muscle.
I know this could be so much worse. So I will not have a little pity party for myself. I am so very fortunate to have all that I have and the amazing support system that is my foundation. I know that my will would be far weaker if I didn't have all of this positive reinforcement building me up.
Thanks for listening ... had to get it all out.
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